Tag: Autistic

Divergent and diverse: what does it all mean?

by Katie Munday (they / them)

There is a large distinction between the terms neurodiverse and neurodivergent, neurodiverse meaning everyone and neurodivergent meaning people who diverge from what would be considered normal or majoritive. I have explored these terms in greater detail in: Neurodivergent or neurodiverse? Why getting it right really matters.

But, do the same rules apply to the terms gender diverse and gender divergent? In a nutshell: no, not really.

The term gender divergent has been used to describe trans+ experiences in blogs and other writings, however it is not widely used in research and academic work. Gender diverse is a term often used to describe people who are transgender, non-binary or otherwise not cisgender (this can include questioning people too). The term gender diverse is used in medical settings and research, following the precedent of The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH), a non-profit, interdisciplinary organization in the US devoted to equitable transgender health.

Sometimes the terms gender variance and gender non-conformity are used instead, however the later can be used to describe cisgender people whose gender expression (the way they dress, talk, walk etc) is considered outside of their perceived binary gender. An example of this would be a man who was assigned male at birth who wears dresses and skirts but still considers himself to be cisgender. Gender non-conformity is a matter of culture, what is normative in some place and groups is considered entirely inappropriate in others, and this can vary from person to person and across time too.

So, a singular person can be gender diverse.

Gender diversity, unlike neurodiversity, does not include all genders, purely genders which diverge from the normative ideals of the culture in which the person is situated. Despite all the things I have come to understand about the importance of the distinction between diverse and divergent within the neurodiversity movement, there is a whole new language and way to understand ourselves as gender diverse people.

From ace to pansexual: Redefining my identity through the Chaotic Self

By David Gray-Hammond (he / they)


In the past I have spoken about being asexual. At the time I felt this was a good fit for me that
encompassed my interpretation of the world. However, as time has gone on I have explored my own
thoughts and feelings and come to the conclusion that being asexual wasn’t an identity I now felt
connected to in the way I had in the past. Instead, I realised that Pansexuality was a more accurate
description of my Queerness.


I actually prefer just saying “I’m Queer.” For me, to be Queer is not about my sex life or romantic
entanglements, at least, that is only a small part. For me, Queerness is in my rejection of cishetero-
and neuronormativity. I do not desire to be contained, I desire to have the freedom to express
myself in a way that reflects who I am in the moment.

In my book A Treatise on Chaos, I introduce my concept of the Chaotic Self. The Self, in my opinion is the underlying entity we are trying to describe through our many identities. This Self is not a fixed
point, and as such has no fixed identity. That is to say, that who I am changes and evolves with every
moment I exist. As such, I find it to be perfectly valid to explore how I identify my space on the
double rainbow of neurodiversity and Queerness.


My Chaotic Self changes with each moment, but can not ever return to it’s neutral state. Since I am
now Queer, I can not be unqueered, to try and do so would only Queer me further. However, the
space I carve out for that Queerness can change. My Queerness grows and evolves with me, and as
such I retain the right to shift into new identities that I feel better reflect myself.


Some might argue that identity should be a fixed point, that our Queerness can not change. I
however would respond by pointing out that politicising our identities into discrete and immovable
categories only serves to reinforce normative models. We enter a realm of bizarre essentialism
within which the infinite possibility of the Self becomes a prisoner of normality.

On a fundamental level, we know that who we are changes over time. If you identified one way in
the past, that could change in the future. It is you’re right to identify in a way that works for you. No
one should dictate your identity to you, and no one should try and withhold from you the endless
machinations of who you could possibly be.

David’s book A Treatise on Chaos, and many others can be found here.

‘Autism’ a message from a non-binary Autistic child

This was originally shared by Jess of Supporting and Celebrating Neurodiversity with permission from the writer and their parent. Written by a 7-year-old non-binary Autistic community member.

‘Autism’

Some Autistic people have learning disabilities where they appear younger that their age. I do not have learning disabilities but I do learn differently. I have Dyslexia that means some things I can find more difficult to remember. Brave spelling really helps me.

I am really clever with thinking about things. I think about a lot and about other people and animals. I find drawing really relaxing. I find drinking from a straw or drinks bottle relaxing.

Some Autistics repeat a word after they’ve said it. Me and my Brother do this. It feels nice. Also saying things over and over is relaxing. I have strong sensory feelings. It means that to me I hate tight or itchy clothes, and even if other people don’t find clothes tight and itchy, I find it tight and itchy because I am sensitive to it, so I have to get bigger size clothes. Some autistic people like tight things and that’s their sensory need.

I struggle in a crowd of people and talking to a crowd of people. Sometimes I wear ear defender to block noise. I also struggle with listening for a long time, this is usually in the classroom. I like to move a lot and make noise, it feels nice, but I don’t like other people’s noise because it’s distracting or painful if in my ear.

There is lots of autistic people but not as many as people who are not autistic. There are speaking and non-speaking Autistics. Just because you don’t speak it doesn’t mean you can’t communicate or understand. Speak to autistic people even if they can’t talk.

I like routines because they make me feel comfortable and I don’t like changing them. I don’t feel comfortable when my routines get changed. Routine means when you like to do the same thing for bedtime or going to school.


I want to tell you that I am non-binary and this means I like boy and girl things. I don’t feel one or the other. This is more common in autistic people.

I want you to know that some of my noises or movements are not on purpose and I try not to do them but this makes me uncomfortable. That’s why sometimes I crawl under my table when there is just a little space.

Everybody, autistic or not autistic, has things they are good at and things they find hard.

I don’t want me and other autistic people being made fun off. I want everyone to be equal and treated fairly no matter what.

Disabled and queer – reclaiming the words we live by

by Katie Munday (they / them)

“Queer”, once used as a derogative expression, is more often used as an umbrella term for people who identify as LGBTQIA+. It is intentionally ambiguous, allowing flexibility for those who identify outside of cishet normativity. I call myself queer as this allows me to maintain flexibility in my gender and sexual identities without telling people my whole divergent story.

My being Autistic, ADHD and Disabled is also queer, it doesn’t necessarily affect my gender or sexuality but it does inform the way in which I live a queer existence. I do not lead a typical life (whatever that may look like) I communicate, dress, express myself and exist in a way that makes sense to my individual bodymind.

My brain will not allow for normativity, it will not follow or bow down to it and neither do my ideas on gender, sex and love. I didn’t buy into neuro-normativity and I’m certainly not buying into cis or hetero-normativity and its way passed me being able to hide or reduce myself in that way.

I’m here, I neuroqueer and I’d really like to have a nap now.

Am I really trans? Fighting with my imposter syndrome

by Katie Munday (they / them)

I have come out of the non-binary closet (see my coming out story here) , and I am so relieved: I am me, finally, entirely, me. When people refer to me as they/ them it makes me feel so euphoric, so seen and comfortable in my Queer embodiment.

It hasn’t been easy coming out, and I know I will be doing it for the rest of my life, which is quite overwhelming but also exciting (see my piece on navigating gender journeys). Other trans and non-binary people have been amazing with my pronoun change. The cis people in my life are finding it more difficult, many are clueless about how often they use my pronouns incorrectly in conversation. Most people outside of the gender divergent community don’t understand the profound power of pronouns, they were given theirs at birth and they fit them, so much so they’ve don’t have to question them. My assigned pronouns don’t fit me and I find it so difficult and uncomfortable when people still use them.

Despite this discomfort, I often do not correct people, or I go for a more subtle approach – the same way I role model appropriate language for the under 5s I work with – I mirror back the sentence with the proper pronouns. I’m not sure if taking a subtle approach is due to my discomfort around conflict or my inability to guess someone’s reaction and how I should respond to them. I have no social script for this situation –  I’ve never had to constantly explain and validate my identity and change people’s language to fit it. And now I must do this for being both Autistic and non-binary.

The lack of dysphoria over the use of incorrect pronouns makes me feel like an imposter, like I am not trans non-binary. I sit with this feeling every time I am misgendered, every time I don’t stand up for myself and correct people.

I feel like a fraud, I feel like I should look more androgynous, and I wish my sensory differences could deal with more agender-style clothing. Then I remember that being gender divergent isn’t all sadness and shame. It’s expressing myself in the way I want and feel comfortable, it’s referring to myself in ways that make sense to me: it’s enjoying my Queer existence.

How I feel about my pronouns and my social transition may change – it may get worse; it may get better – either way I’m out and I have more space to explore my gender until everything fits. There is no one way to be non-binary, or trans, or gender divergent. Questioning, confusion and flux are all part of transgender journeys. I don’t have to be 100% sure of who I am all the time, and I don’t have to stick up for myself every time someone misgenders me – sometimes it’s not safe and sometimes I don’t have the spoons.

This doesn’t make me any less trans, any less non-binary or agender. There’s no wrong way to be trans. If I identify as trans then that is exactly who I am. This may not be the same tomorrow, or next year but it is my truth right now and that’s all that matters.