Author: QueerlyAutistic

Erin Ekins is a queer autistic writer, speaker and attempter of activism. She has an interest in all areas of autistic social justice, but has a particular passion for improving understanding and acceptance of the intersection of autism and queerness. She runs the blog queerlyautistic.com and is the author of the upcoming book 'Queerly Autistic: The Ultimate Guide for LGBTQIA+ Teens on the Spectrum'. By day, she works in campaigning and influencing at a disability related charity, but, by night, she is inhabits a busy space between angry internet person and overly-excited fangirl.

What is LGBTQIA+?

‘LGBT’ is a commonly used acronym that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender. You may also hear people say:

  • LGBT+ ((lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and more)
  • LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer/questioning)
  • LGBTQ+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer/questioning and more)
  • LGBTQIA (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex and asexual)
  • LGBTQIA+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, asexual and more)
  • LGBTQIAP (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, asexual and pansexual)
  • LGBTQIAP+ ((lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, asexual, pansexual and more)
  • Queer
  • MOGAI (marginalized orientations, gender alignments and intersex)

As you can see, different people have different names for the same thing. This is because it covers a huge array of different people, identities, and experiences.

And while some people (including many charities and news outlets) may use ‘LGBT’ for brevity, many others will use ‘LGBTQIA+’ in order to include as many people as possible. AIM for the Rainbow will be using LGBTQIA+ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer/questioning, intersex, asexual, and more). This is because it is concise, recognizable and includes (celebrates) a wide variety of different people that exist in the community (although still not all).

Here is a quick overview of some of the common identities you might have heard about. 

Lesbian

A lesbian is a woman, either cis or trans who is sexually and romantically attracted to other women (both cis and trans). Some women prefer to call themselves ‘gay’, so it’s important to try and use the language that a person is comfortable with.

Here are some people you may have heard of who identify as lesbians:

  • Hannah Gadsby
  • Lena Waithe
  • Jessica Kellgren-Fozard

Gay

Although ‘gay’ is often used to refer to all people who have exclusive same-gender attraction, we will be focusing on gay men. A gay man is a man, either cis or trans, who is sexually and romantically attracted to other men (both cis and trans).

Here are some people you may have heard of who identify as gay men:

  • Lil Nas X
  • Colton Haynes
  • Billy Porter

Bisexual

A bisexual person is a person (both cis and trans) who is attracted to more than one gender. Many bisexual people use the term ‘bi’ to describe themselves. Although ‘bi’ originally meant ‘two’, ‘bisexuality’ was agreed by the community a few decades ago to describe attraction to two or more genders.

Here are some people you may have heard of who identify as bisexual:

  • Roxane Gay
  • Sara Ramirez
  • Alan Cumming

Transgender

If a person is transgender, it means that their gender does not match the gender they were assigned at birth. Many transgender people describe themselves as ‘trans’ – the most common terms you are likely to hear are ‘trans woman’ (a woman who was assigned male at birth) and ‘trans man’ (a man who was assigned female at birth).

Note: if your gender is the same as the sex you were assigned at birth (e.g. when I was born the doctors decided I was a girl, and I still identify as a girl today), then you are ‘cisgender’ or ‘cis’.)

Here are some people you may have heard of who identify as trans:

  • Laverne Cox
  • Mj Rodriguez
  • Lewis Hancox 

Queer

‘Queer’ as an identity is different from the other identities on this page. This is because while some people identify only as queer, many different people (including gay people, bi people, trans people and asexual people) may identify as queer alongside their other identities.

‘Queer’ originally meant ‘odd’ or ‘strange’, but was reclaimed by the community many decades ago as an identity. There is a continuing debate around the word ‘queer’. Some people feel empowered by it. Some people feel insulted by it. But don’t let this affect your own identity. If you identify with ‘queer’, then do not be afraid to use that term. 

Here are some people you may have heard of who identify as queer:

  • Janelle Monáe
  • Jameela Jamil
  • Elliot Page

Intersex

If a person is intersex, it means they were born with biology that is not considered solely ‘male’ or ‘female’. This may mean that they have variations in their chromosomes, their hormones, or their physical characteristics (often genitals). Not all intersex people like to be included within the LGBTQIA+ umbrella, and it is important to respect people’s individual wishes. However, as there are many intersex people who do identify with the community, it is included in the acronym. 

Here are some people you may have heard of who identify as intersex:

  • Hanne Gaby Odiele
  • Hida Viloria

Asexual

An asexual person is a person (cis or trans) who experiences little to no sexual attraction. Many asexual people refer to themselves as ‘ace’. Asexuality means a lack of sexual attraction, rather than a lack of sexual contact or a lack of sexual desire. Many ace people do have, and enjoy, sex. Many ace people don’t have sex. This doesn’t make them any more or less asexual.

Note: Some people have argued that the term ‘a-spec’ was originally used by the autistic community (to refer to ‘autistic spectrum’), and that asexual people therefore shouldn’t use it. However, many autistic people argue that they do not use, nor have they heard people use, the term ‘a-spec’, and it is generally agreed that asexual and aromantic people may use ‘a-spec’ to describe their identity.

Here are some people you may have heard of who identify as asexual:

  • Yasmin Benoit
  • Evan Edinger
  • Emilie Autumn

Pansexual

A pansexual person is a person (either cis or trans) who is attracted to people regardless of gender. Some people who identify with this definition may still call themselves ‘bisexual’, but others feel that ‘pansexual’ is a term that fits better for them. It’s important to use the terms that individual people are comfortable with.

The general agreement on the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality is:

Bisexuality is attraction to more than one gender (which could mean all genders, or could mean some but not all genders) or attraction where someone’s gender is a factor.

Pansexuality is attraction regardless of gender or attraction where someone’s gender isn’t a fundamental factor.

Whether you feel more comfortable identifying as pansexual or bisexual, or using them both, you have the right to be proud of your identity.

Here are some people you may have heard of who identify as pansexual:

  • Joe Lycett
  • Cara Delevingne
  • Jazz Jennings 

Non-binary

A non-binary person is a person who does not identify exclusively as a man or a woman. You may also hear the term ‘enby’. Many non-binary people see themselves as falling under the trans identity, as their gender identity does not match the gender they were assigned at birth. However, not all non-binary people agree with this, so it’s important to respect personal preference.

Non-binary can be used as an umbrella term for a variety of different gender identities, that may include:

  • Bigender: identifying as two genders
  • Trigender: identifying as three genders
  • Pangender: identifying as many or all genders
  • Agender: identifying as having no gender
  • Genderfluid: moving between gender identities
  • Third gendered: not identifying as a named gender
  • Genderqueer: not identifying with conventional gender distinctions

Here are some people you may have heard of who identify as non-binary:

  • Owl and Fox Fisher
  • Sam Smith
  • Asia Kate Dillon

And more…

As you can see, the LGBTQIA+ umbrella is very wide indeed, and there are many identities that we haven’t had space to include. 

The LGBTQIA+ world It includes many different people, of all sexualities and gender identities. As more people explore their gender and sexuality, more labels are coined and celebrated to refer to people’s experiences. Having a label that directly and accurately describes your experience of gender and sexuality can be extremely important.

Here are some books, websites, and YouTube videos you can use to find out even more about different labels and what they mean to different people. 

Books

The A–Z of Gender and Sexuality: From Ace to Ze by Morgan Lev Edward Holleb

LGBTQ: The Survival Guide for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning Teens by Kelly Huegel Madrone

Links

Stonewall: www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/faqs-and-glossary/glossary-terms  

Human Rights Campaign: www.hrc.org/resources/glossary-of-terms

Amnesty USA: www.amnestyusa.org/pdfs/toolkit_LGBTglossary.pdf

YouTube Videos

The ABC’s of LGBT+ Series by Ash Hardell: http://bit.do/ABCsOfLGBT

Iggy’s House Rules

Respecting Pronouns and Identities

At AIM for the Rainbow, we support every autistic person of every LGBTQIA+ identity.

We support you whether you are professionally diagnosed or self-diagnosed. 

We support you whatever pronouns you use and whatever labels you use to describe your sexuality or gender identity. 

We support you if you are a family, friend, or carer looking to better support your autistic LGBTQIA+ loved ones. 

All we expect in return is that you respect the labels, identities and pronouns of every other person around you.

Some people might not feel comfortable with just one label, and so might put a couple of labels together in order to find an identity that fits them better. 

As people grow and get to know themselves better, the way that they identify (and the pronouns and labels they use) may start to change. This is very normal. If a person tells you their identity has changed, it’s incredibly important to believe them and respect their identity. 

It doesn’t matter how many different identities or pronouns they have used in the past; respect how they identify now.

Always remember labels are deeply personal. We use them in order to express ourselves and find something that fits who we are, not to be ruled by them and their strict definitions. Different people may use different labels in different ways, depending on what fits them best. 

If you don’t understand someone’s identity, and they are happy to chat with you about it, then that’s brilliant (as long as you’re kind). However, whether you understand it or not, and whether they are happy to chat with you about it or not, you still have to respect their identity: use the words that they ask you to use.  

On Pronouns

Respecting people’s pronouns is incredibly important to make sure everybody here is safe and supported. So here is a little bit of information on pronouns to help you get started. 

A pronoun is the word that people use when they are talking about you, but don’t use your name. For example:

‘Erin’s at the door, she has brought her mum with her’.

‘Have you seen his new film?’

‘Someone left their hat in my house last night.’

Pronouns are traditionally understood to be masculine (he, him, his), feminine (she, her, hers) and plural, when talking about more than one person (they, them, theirs). So-called ‘plural’ pronouns are also traditionally used when the gender of the person you’re talking about is unknown (for example, as we don’t know who left the hat at my house, we use ‘their’ instead of ‘his’ or ‘her’).

Just because this is how they are traditionally used does not mean that everybody uses them this way. Anybody is allowed to use the pronouns they prefer, whatever their gender.  

Although many women (cis and trans) use ‘she/her’ pronouns, and many men (cis and trans) prefer ‘he/him’ pronouns, and many non-binary people prefer ‘they/them’ pronouns, others feel more comfortable with pronouns that you wouldn’t necessarily automatically expect. This is why it’s important to:

  • Ask people what their pronouns are before talking about or two them.
  • Let people know what your pronouns are.

The moderators and writers at AIM for the Rainbow will have their own pronouns advertised on their work. 

Some pronouns you might hear

Traditional gendered pronouns

  • He/him/his/himself – traditionally ‘male’ pronouns
  • She/her/hers/herself – traditionally ‘female’ pronouns

Traditional gender neutral pronouns

  • They/them/their/themselves – traditionally plural (referring to more than one person) and gender neutral pronouns
  • It/it/its/itself – traditional gender neutral pronoun commonly used for objects, animals and infants. While it is often seen as insulting to use these for another person, some trans and non-binary people like to use ‘it’ pronouns.

Neopronouns

Neopronouns are gender neutral pronouns that are different from traditional pronouns (such as he, she, they and it).

  • Xe/xir/xirs/xirself – gender neutral neopronouns, first recorded use was in the 1990s
  • Xe/xyr or xem/xyrs/xyrself or xemself – gender neutral neopronouns, first used as an option on an autism mailing list in the 1990s
  • Ze/hir/hirs/hirself – gender neutral neopronouns, first recorded use was in the late 1990s and early 2000s. They have been used in several fantasy and science fiction stories 
  • Zie/zir or zim/zirs/zirself – gender neutral neopronouns, first recorded use was in the late 1990s and early 2000s. They have been used in several fantasy and science fiction stories
  • E/em/eir/eirs/emself – gender neutral neopronoun, first recorded use in the 1990s.

Nounself pronouns

Nounself pronouns are when people adapt a noun of their choosing into a pronoun to create a wide variety of very personal and descriptive pronouns. For example:

  • Fae/faer/faers/faerself – fairy-themed gender-neutral nounself pronoun. First recorded use was online in the 2010s.

What to do if you get it wrong

If you accidentally get someone’s pronouns wrong, here’s the best thing to do: 

  1. Say ‘I’m sorry’ (simply and quickly)
  2. Repeat what you said with the correct pronoun
  3. Move on with the conversation

You can find more information on pronouns here: Gendered Intelligence – Language and Pronouns