Time to Get Creative

We know neurodivergent people can be amazingly creative, and across the LGBTQIA+ world it’s almost a cliché! So it’s safe to say there has to be a LOT of creative talent all across the Double Rainbow. For Iggy’s Initiative we’re asking you to show us.

What’s Happening?

We’re giving you a chance to show off. From now until the end of March we’d love you to send us artwork or poems you’ve created that celebrates being ND and LGBTQIA+ any way you want!

Where, When?

We’re going to put together an online exhibition to feature as many of the works submitted as we can. This will run through the month of April, and will be curated by AIM for the Rainbow‘s very own artist, Alex Forshaw.

How Do I Join In?

You can send us digital images and photos, you can send in as many or as few as you like. Please remember to include the name of the work (if it has one) and your name (or nickname) as you’d like it to appear. You can also send us a short description of the piece, what it means to you, what prompted you to create it–as much or as little as you like.

All we ask is that it’s your own work, and that it doesn’t copy or include other people’s stuff without their permission.

If you’re interested, please get in touch with us using the form below, or through our Facebook page or Rainbow Room group, and we’ll let you know how to send us your art.

A World Full of Bullies: Being Autistic and LGBTQIA+

by David Gray-Hammond

He/him

I grew up without an autism diagnosis. Everyone was pretty sure I was autistic but it wasn’t confirmed until I was 26 years old.

I also grew up unaware that my sexuality even existed. My name is David and I’m Asexual.

Growing up I was bullied horribly. I was the weird kid who didn’t have the same interests as the other boys. As I entered my mid-to-late teens I tried to overcorrect for my lack of interest in sexual matters, thanks in large part to bullying at school.

I became hypersexual and it traumatised me. I didn’t realise it at the time because I didn’t even know that asexuality was a thing. It took 8 years of being single to come to terms with the fact that I was asexual. It finally clicked when my (also asexual) girlfriend taught me to love myself as much as I loved her.

And this is really the crux of the bullying issue. When children are unaware of their own identities, how can they learn to love themselves for who they are? We need to teach children about all aspects of identity be they neurological or sexual, and teach our children to love themselves fiercely.

When young people are taught to love and accept themselves as they are, when a person is at peace with themselves, it makes the bullies job much harder. Bullies look for gaps in our armour and try to exploit perceived weaknesses.

By teaching children to love themselves we make those gaps in their armour smaller and harder to exploit. I consider myself an advocate, but we need to teach all of our children to advocate for themselves. Advocacy is an important step on the journey to self acceptance.

Both autistic and LGBTQIA+ children experience bullying, but when we consider the huge intersection between those two demographics we have to be willing to acknowledge the great harm that can be done to children on the double rainbow.

If you teach your children nothing else, please teach them that who they are is good enough and worthy of love. Teach them that no matter what the bullies say, the world has a place for them just as they are. Teach them about different identities and why it’s okay to not fit in with the mainstream. Most importantly, teach them to love themselves.

Gender Creativity and the Spectrum

by Katie Munday

She/they

Gender expression and identity has often been considered as binary–either masculine or feminine–but most of us fall somewhere along or outside of the spectrum of gender characteristics. Diverse gender identities appear to be more prevalent in autistic individuals than neurotypical people. Unfortunately, most of the academic work on this intersection is less than complimentary, posing neuro- and gender diversity as ‘abnormal’. Fortunately, there is growing work in print and online by autistic trans activists which champions these identities as an important part of human diversity.

Autistic people often have a very strong self-understanding and self-knowledge, despite living in a world which does not cater to their diverse behaviours, emotions, and perceptions. These differences in social understanding and cognition may permit autists to understand gender in all its multiplicities, allowing them to dress and interact with others in ways which fit their own individual needs and interests. Furthermore, working outside of societal expectations allows autistic people to experience and express gender identities in a wholly individualistic manner. 

Sharing these unique and insightful experiences within and without LGBTQ+ and autistic communities can help us all become more critically conscious, allowing us to challenge ableism and cis-genderism, creating a world which is more richly diverse and accepting. 


Further reading (by autistic trans / gender diverse writers): 

  • Uncomfortable Labels: My Life as a Gay Autistic Trans Woman by Laura Kate Dale
  • Trans and Autistic: Stories from Life at the Intersection by Noah Adams and Bridget Liang
  • Spectrums: Autistic Transgender People in Their Own Words edited by Maxfield Sparrow

Note: There is a growing amount of information available online and in print about prevalence rates, support, and personal experiences. Some of these works may use ableist and transphobic language and understandings and often do not have content warnings, please always practice self-care whilst reading.

Contributions

We all have stories to tell, advice to give, experiences to share. Communities are built on sharing, and we’d love it if members of our community here at AIM for the Rainbow wanted to contribute towards Iggy’s Initiative.

We’re asking for submissions that have some connection with the Double Rainbow–with neurodivergent and LGBTQIA+ lives and experiences. You might write about the experience of coming out, about your hopes for the future or your fears today. You might want to offer help and advice to others on similar paths through life, or perhaps share an account of something fun you’ve done.

Submissions can be creative fiction or factual. They might take the form of a list, or an essay or a poem. They might be long or short. You can also submit photographs and visual art. All we ask is that it is your own work, and you own any images you send in.

We’re sorry that we can’t offer payment for submissions, and we can’t promise to publish everything we receive. Anything you submit remains your work and you will be credited as the author/creator. We may edit submissions for clarity or length, but we will ask you to approve the draft before it appears online.


You can contact our editorial team using the form below to propose your ideas, or to submit a piece of writing directly. Please use our Contact page for general enquiries.

With Love, Humanity

by Kodie Dalmayne-Morris – “Green Streak

Bi, she/her

Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, asexual—regardless of how you identify, fundamentally you are human.

As am I. 

As are your children, family, friends and colleagues. 

A lot of the time you have no idea what a person’s sexual orientation is. Sexuality isn’t rigid anymore. Previously (the way you and I grew up) you were straight unless you were gay. Slowly the presumption of another’s sexuality is not so clear cut – as it should be. 

Love has different levels to it, the love you feel for your favourite possession will differ to the love you feel for your friends, and the love you feel for your family. 

Sexuality is a glorious, confusing, invigorating and freeing spectrum which everyone should automatically feel free to explore.

Please remember that everyone is entitled to their privacy. Some may be happy and willing to share their sexuality. Others aren’t for a multitude of reasons. 

If you don’t know, consider the fact that you do not need to know.

Intersectional Diversity

The ‘Double Rainbow’ of Autism and LGBTQIA+

by Charlie Hart

For Bi-Visibility Day in 2020, Charlie Hart answered some questions from her colleagues about her lived experiences on the ‘double rainbow’, as an openly autistic and bisexual adult. 


Can you explain what the term ‘double rainbow’ means?

Studies show that autistic people are far more likely identify as a sexuality minority and/or a gender minority, compared with the general population.

Both the autistic community and the LGBTQIA+ community often use rainbow imagery, for example in the gay pride flag and the autism acceptance rainbow infinity symbol.

I came across the term ‘double rainbow’ on the website of the US charity Twainbow who advocate for and support people who are both on the autistic spectrum and the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. I stumbled across Twainbow from an Internet search, as I had been wondering if any help may have been available for Iggy had he looked for it.  Here in the UK, we now have AIM for the Rainbow and Rainbow Mind and now also Iggy’s Initiative.


What is the difference between Autism and Asperger’s syndrome? Do they both sit under the umbrella of neurodiversity? 

Human brains are collectively neurodiverse. No two brains are exactly alike, and neurodiversity is a framework for celebrating and accepting all the different types of brains, all the different ways of processing and thinking (yes, even neurotypical brains). Diversity, including neurodiversity, is advantageous to humans as a species.

An autistic person may be considered neurodivergent, which means our brains are wired a little differently from the typical brain. 

Asperger’s Syndrome is a rather outdated diagnosis given to autistic people who do not have learning disabilities or language development delays. More recently, the diagnostic terms are usually Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) or Autistic Spectrum Condition (ASC). My own diagnostic report says I have Asperger’s Syndrome, but personally I just call it autism, simply because I do not think I am any more important than autistic people who are non-verbal or who do have learning disabilities. 

Not all autistic people are gifted or have a ‘super power’. One of my talents is my highly detailed visual and auditory long-term memory, which is both a blessing and a curse. It is tremendously helpful to me in my role as HR systems analyst, and wonderful for remembering dearly departed relatives and reflecting on happy memories, but also I have seen and heard traumatic things that I would rather not recall so vividly and thus I’m more vulnerable to Complex PTSD. 


In your opinion, do you think autistic and other neurodivergent people are less concerned with societal norms and so are more likely to identify as LGBTQ+? 

I have never been one to conform to societal norms to fit in. For example, I deliberately chose to have my first child before getting married. I also wore a pink and purple layered chiffon dress at my first wedding. When I married my second husband, I wore a dress my cousin’s partner had made for me, a knee-length 50s-style dress in shades of silver. 

I do think neurodivergent people more often value individuality in preference to fitting in, and we can also be very honest and open.

Personally, I do not believe that non-conformity affects our sexuality or gender identity, because I think we are born this way. However, we may be more likely to be more open about our sexuality and gender identity, compared with the general population, so perhaps more of us ‘come out’ as for example bisexual or gender fluid rather than keeping it to ourselves. 


Do you think it is important to state or be open about who you are e.g. neurodiverse and / or non-binary and does this help others to better understand you and your needs?

This is very much a personal choice, and depends on your personal boundaries, comfort, and safety. People are more likely to be open about who they are if we all work together to build a culture where everybody is comfortable to be our authentic selves without fear of discrimination and prejudice.


Is it OK to ask someone to explain what a specific term means if you have never heard it before?

In my view, it is good to ask for definitions of a term you do not fully understand, rather than making assumptions.

It is not okay, however, to ask inappropriate probing personal questions. For example, it is not okay to ask somebody who is trans about what gender affirmation treatments they may or may not have had, or about the contents of their underpants. Asking for preferred pronouns is okay though.

Curiosity is good, but above all we must all respect every individual’s privacy and dignity.


Is it true that autistic people are not taken seriously about their decision to identify as LGBTQIA+? Is this something you have experienced?

Not personally, but I feel if anybody does not take my sexuality seriously this is more likely to be because they dismiss bisexuality as a phase I went through before I settled down. Actually, it has been constant since my teens.

I understand that some trans and gender fluid autistic people are concerned that being open about their autism may lead to people thinking that being transgender is just an autistic thing, which may not be helpful to their cause for acceptance.

There is also the “eternal child” bias, where some people assume autistic people are not capable of knowing our own minds, due to our condition. That is a misconception, and a stigma which needs to be challenged.

It may also hark back to old attitudes from times when sexuality, gender dysphoria and autism were all considered to be mental health issues that could be “cured”. We are not quite at the end of the journey to acceptance.


Sexual orientation and gender expression may fluctuate over the course of person’s lifetime. Can neurological conditions also change and fluctuate?

I have not noticed any real fluctuations to my sexuality since I first became aware that I was sexually attracted to women as well as men, in my mid-teens. I did not suddenly become straight when I married a man. 

I have been talking more often and more openly about my sexuality recently, because since losing Iggy I have become more acutely aware of the importance of positive visible LGBTQIA+ role models. 

I have also more recently come to understand that I am attracted to individuals, regardless of their gender, and that this makes me ‘pansexual’.  

In terms of neurological conditions fluctuating, I do not believe it is possible to become more autistic or less autistic. You are either autistic or not, and autism is a lifelong neurodevelopmental condition. I do not believe in ‘regression’, but I do believe some traits can become more profound. I am not sure about other neurological conditions, as this may vary, and there are acquired neurological conditions as well as those we are born with.

I do have more sensory sensitivities and autistic meltdowns of greater severity when I am going through a period of ‘autistic burn-out’. This is a state that resembles clinical depression and happens when I am overwhelmed for extended periods of time.

Over the years the impact of some autistic features may change. Sometimes this may relate to hormonal changes, for example sensory issues can be exacerbated by puberty, pregnancy, menopause. 


What are some of the challenges that autistic and LGBTQ+ people face?

Coupled with the social differences of autism, such as coming across badly at times and having difficulties interpreting neurotypical cues and nuances, at times I have encountered difficulties forming both social friendships and working relationships with other women. Sometimes I have encountered bi-phobia, and my intentions have been misunderstood. 

There are many challenges with being an autistic in the social and sensory minefield that is the workplace, but with a combination of formal reasonable adjustments and minor changes an autistic worker can thrive and add tremendous value. I do get overwhelmed when I am in lengthy or frequent meetings, due to the expectation to exhibit professional behaviours and demeanour for extended periods which does require heavy masking. 

Autistic people can be tremendously loyal when we have the right support, and I have been working for my employer for sixteen years.


What can allies do to support people who are neurodivergent and identify as LGBTQ+?

Well that is a big question, which I could talk about at length. But in brief, we each have a role in working together to build a culture of acceptance, where it is not only okay, but encouraged even, to be open about any difficulties and support needs, an environment where each and every person belongs and can drop the mask to thrive as our authentic selves.


Introduction


by Charlie Hart

An alarming number of young people become depressed and take their own lives after being bullied just for being different


Nobody should have to feel weird, ashamed, rejected, excluded, isolated due to their sexual orientation or their gender expression, nor due to their disability or neurological differences, nor any other human characteristic, but sadly this happens all the time. 

Young people, especially teenagers, can be particularly affected by lack of acceptance and support. An alarming number of young people become depressed and take their own lives after being bullied just for being different from typical.

My own son Iggy tragically ended his own life in April 2019, aged just fifteen. This is the heart-breaking fate shared by an increasing number of young people on the “double rainbow” of the autism spectrum and the LGBTQIA+ spectrum, whether they have evident mental health issues or not.

Losing Iggy was unexpected and heart-breaking. We knew Iggy had been struggling to cope with being bullied for being “weird” at school. He had become more withdrawn and started trying to blend into the background to avoid being noticed. At home, however, he had been excited and happy. He was making plans for his future, coming with me on long country walks to train for his DofE expedition, planning his work experience placement working with cars (his special interest), looking forward to the next Marvel movie. He was always joking and giggling. It is tragic and senseless that his life was cut short, with so much to live for and look forward to. 

I never want to hear anybody told they should “act more normal” or “try to fit in” or “I would keep that one quiet”. My dream is for everybody to understand how and why we should celebrate and respect all the natural variations in the human condition, freeing everybody to be their authentic selves, with no need to mask or to look for a way out. 

I want to spread the message “Different is OK” and educate others about just how common and normal it is to be both neurodivergent and LGBTQIA+. Also, to create safe spaces where young people on the double rainbow can offer mutual support to each other, moderated by ND and LGBTQIA+ “elders” like myself, so nobody needs to feel weird and alone.

AIM for the Rainbow are excited to launch Iggy’s Initiative, to do all we can to make a difference to young people on the double rainbow in Iggy’s memory.

Taking Shape

Screenshot of a closed Facebook group called The Rainbow Room showing the header image which is an AIM for the Rainbow graphic

On Saturday I (Alex) was at the Neurodivergent Labour launch in London with dear friend and AIM CEO Emma Dalmayne, and had the great pleasure to meet up with fab Erin (@queerlyautistic). We talked about our AIM for the Rainbow initiative which had never really got off the ground, and how we feel it’s so important and necessary.

We talked about refreshing and relaunching it to provide information and support, to campaign for acceptance and the rights of LGBTQIA+ neurodivergent people of all ages. So it’s less than a week later and we now have this website, a Facebook page and group, and a Twitter account! Who says autistics can’t organise or plan?

All this and we’ve not had our “official” launch yet! Please follow us on social media, like our page, join our group. We’d love to see you all there!